What must a parent do when their defiant teen is the one ruling the house instead of them? Your teenager’s temperament affects the whole household, and often parents would rather just keep quiet than tackle the manner in which their teenager responds to their parenting.
Even if you know in your head that you should speak up and ask your teen why they didn’t take out the garbage the other day, you don’t. Why? Because just thinking of the fight that will ensue from mentioning it gives you a colossal headache!
This is not the atmosphere your household should have. If your defiant teen is calling the shots at home, they will make everyone in it adjust to their behavior. You want to speak up about them not facing their responsibilities, but at the same time you don’t want the volcanic eruption that goes with it! This kind of atmosphere can leave a parent feeling powerless. Even younger brothers or sisters of the teenager may get stuck in between as they have their own reactions to their sibling’s rebellious behavior. Does your home feel like a battleground?
A setting like the one described can easily give rise to the fostering of negative feelings for one’s child as control over the home is continually lost. But it is important to note that in a situation such as this one, the teenager himself may be actually just as disturbed. Their rebellious actions do not leave them feeling “in control.” It actually does the contrary.
Changing hormones cause a myriad of emotional and behavioral alterations in your teen. It has been documented that teenagers provided with a sturdy foundation of guidance and structure cope with these changes better. These adolescents are left to float aimlessly through this difficult stage in their lives if you do not provide the rules and acknowledge the proper responsibilities of your child. Merely leaving them to be, provides a breeding ground for the development of the wrong kind of independence—a rebellious kind. This leads to hostility. What we want to breed is a positive kind of independence wherein the teenager grows.Providing Guidance
If one chooses to wait until after your child starts acting up to impose rules and structure, then you will have double the trouble implementing them. But by gradually bringing in guidelines with the appropriate penalties, you can expect more harmony at home. Conversely, if your household lacks structure and your teenager is not aware of his responsibilities at home, you’re headed for trouble. Teenage hostility and an adolescent’s defiance can worsen without proper guidance.
Keep in mind that it may always be hard in the beginning to try and intervene with your teen’s behavior. They may react with even more defiance. But this is a natural reaction to your imposition of structure. Faced with this situation, it is good to consider the creative approach in urging your teenagers to get involved in activities of the family. This way, even as you want to show them who’s boss, you can also remind them that you’re a friend too!